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St Patrick

42 43 holy ancestors awkward relations Early genealogists had to show that their lords were of the very best stock, and proper biblical origins were given to family trees. All good Irishmen come from Milesius, descendant of Scota, the pharaohs daughter who found Moses in the bullrushes, and her line goes back to Noahs son Japhet, but getting close to Patrick was also essential. Fortunately he had many potential ancestors in his household, including charioteers, blacksmiths, brewers and embroiderers, but better still there were his sisters. The most adventurous of these was Lupita. She was forever getting into awkward situations. Once Patrick found her at midnight in her nephew St Mels bed, but she explained that he always went to confession then, so she would sneak into his bed to wrap herself in his bedclothes and be impregnated by his sanctity. Mel then proved that he still was in Gods good favours by ploughing a field, whereupon salmon jumped miraculously out of the furrows, but when St MacNissi of Conor interfered with Lupita, Patrick made his lecherous hand drop off, and when Patrick found her in flagrante with Colman of Clann Bressail he leapt into his chariot, drove over her three times in honour of the Trinity, and said a mass to get her into heaven. One of her many children then begged Patrick to see to it that they could go to heaven too, which he arranged. At least it gave the genealogists something for their family trees.
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